How to have a better relationship According to experts

You are probably here because you want to know about some super secret tip on what makes a relationship endure. Do you want some hot juicy, gossip on what makes relationships hot? Are you interested in what sexual position is the one that drives people wild time and time again.? Well, this blog post isn’t about that. But let me tell you, that the information I am about to share is not so secret and not so complicated.

What makes for a thriving relationship? The experts and research have weighed in. According to Doctors John and Julie Gottman, there are Seven Principles that lead to lasting relationships. They followed thousands of couples over the span of 40 years and they were able to find information on what makes relationships last and what leads to the demise of a relationship. It is their research and a few other awesome bits of information, that inspires me and motivate me to help women pick better relationships and to help themselves be happier in life overall, whether they are coupled or not.

This blog post is not for the man that is not willing to put effort into building and working on his relationship. And this blog post is not for the woman who wants to do it all just to have the love of a man. This blog post is focused on what both people can bring into the relationship : Intention, love and dedication to making things work.

So what makes for a better, long lasting relationship? To make it simple, they found that friendship, conflict resolution skills and meaning making skills are what really make for happy and healthy, long lasting relationships. Let’s dig a little deeper.

1)Friendship Skills- No longer are the days where you get together with a person based solely on outward attraction. People SHOULD be interested in what kind of person they want to build lives with. Being friends with your partner matters! Friendship is an important component in a love relationship because with friendship comes respect, good communication, empathy, efforts to help each other and support each other, efforts to have fun and enjoy time together and interest in maintaining the relationship. Unfortunately, there are many romantic relationships where components of friendship do not even exist or stopped existing ! TBH, I am not sure how that is even enjoyable or sustainable for the long term. Romantic relationships are not just about sex and compliments. Romantic relationships should be healthy and both partners should be putting in equal efforts to care for each other’s interests and well being. If you are not sure what a good friendship is supposed to be like, then you may have other things to work on before focusing all your time on a partner. Really focus on the task of building friendships in your life. Don’t do it just for love. Do it for your overall health. A support system and friends is good for all life stages. And when you have practiced making friends (or if you have improved some existing friendships), make an effort to focus on building friendship with your dates/partners.

Hare are a few questions to get you started.

A. What do I think a healthy friendship is supposed to look like? Even if you have never seen it in person, what do you imagine it could be like?

B. How would I like a friend to treat me when we spend time together? How would I like them to treat me/ think of me when we are not together?

C. How would I like to treat my friends in order have a happy, healthy relationship?

D. How can I start practicing the skills of building friendship today?

2) Conflict Resolution Skills- Friends and couples can run into disagreements. In fact, it is guaranteed ! Not everyone has the same personality! Everyone is unique. Sooner or later, there will be differences. However, the way you handle conflict can either help a relationship overcome challenges or break a relationship. That is why practicing communication and conflict resolution skills are very important! What are some conflict resolution skills you can practice today ? Listening and making an effort to understand where the other person is coming from( “So I am hearing XYZ, is that right?”) , validation of each other’s feelings and experiences (“ Ugh, that must be so frustrating!”), knowing when to take a time out to self regulate or soothe oneself before coming back to discuss a disagreement (“ Can we take a break from this talk for a bit, I am getting a little overwhelmed? Let’s come back to this in 20 minutes”), and making an effort to understand why there is conflict (differences in value, goals or priorities) and whether there could be compromise that works for the both of you.

3) Meaning Making- What do you want your relationships to be like in the future? What are your goals and dreams both individually and for a partnership? What would you like the events and circumstances in your life to mean? Checking in with each other about these things regularly is HUGE! In a relationship, it is important to work on the skill of knowing each other’s inner worlds, what is meaningful for the both of you, understanding what’s meaningful to each other and doing things with each other or for each other to work towards those moments of meaning. Even in the face of conflict, it is possible to keep in mind what matters and what is meaningful to the other person. What are you doing in your life and your relationships to create a sense of meaningfulness in your activities? If you are not checking in with yourself or your partner about this at all, it is time to start having those conversations, because you have one life to live. Shouldn’t your life and your relationships be full of meaning?

If you found this information helpful, don’t forget to implement it! Share this blog post with a friend and don’t forget to show my social media pages some love too.

If you want further information on how to do this stuff, check out my podcast, The Relationship Glow Up Podcast ! I have a lot of episodes that you will love listening to and you can listen to it while you work out, while you are driving home or if you just need a break from watching TV. Make sure to keep an eye out for brand new work from me ! I will be coming out with fun and valuable courses meant to show you the skills you need to take care of yourselves and your relationships.

They will be bite sized lessons meant to give you what you need to feel more confident and happy in your life.

Keep reading!