Having trouble with Motivation? Here are some tips to help you with Motivation when you need it.

Have you been. having a. tough time keeping motivated lately? Do you feel that it constantly feels like a struggle to be motivated? Have you been asking yourself, “How do I improve my motivation?” It could be that you are thinking about motivation all wrong!

Let’s look at two types of motivation. External motivation and internal motivation. External motivation comes from someone else or as a result of an outcome of success. We love external motivation and external motivation feels A-MA-ZING! What does that look like ? External motivation can look like : When a friend congratulates us on a job well done. When a boss praises a project being completed. When a loved one encourages you to try something new or difficult. When you get that first sale in your business. When you see the numbers in your bank account climbing. When you see losses or gains in the gym. Or when you clothes start to feel better. These are some examples of when motivation comes from outside of you. This type of motivation tends to feel energizing and inspiring and most people think that this is the type of motivation that they need. However, external motivation is not always possible to have and can be short lived. It is not always possible to have an outside cheerleader and it’s not always possible to have constant sources of evidence that things are working out.

Here is where internal motivation comes in.

Internal motivation is something that comes from within. This is something that you can and have to create for yourself because external motivation is not always a guarantee and if we always wait for external motivation, we might not get anything done! . Internal motivation does not always feel energizing and sexy like external motivation. Often, when people feel off or down or NOT MOTIVATED AT ALL, it is probably because they are trying to motivate themselves coming from a place of self criticism.

Does your internal motivation sound like this?

“You are such a loser! You have to work extra hard or else you will stay that way.”

“You are not smart enough. You have to do better or else you will never amount to anything.”

“If you are not better than everyone around you, then you are nobody!”

This type of motivation comes from a place of negative self criticism and frankly, it doesn’t work for the long term. It usually ends up making you feel worse and discourages you from moving forward! It comes from a place of fear, not love, and often keeps you down.

Negative self criticism dialogue may come from harsh family members, school teachers, difficult coaches, your peers, social media, movies, your own culture and you may have picked it up somewhere unknown. Sometimes it even comes from you in some weird way. But motivation from self criticism is not the way to go!

In fact, there is another way that is much more effective and sustainable in the long run. Self compassion. Self compassion is the practice of being kind, supportive and understanding with yourself when you are experiencing moments of set back or challenges. Studies show that a self compassionate person can have greater self confidence , are less likely to fear failure, are more like to try again if they do fail and are more persistent.

How does that sound for your bottomline when it comes to your goals? Sounds pretty good to me!

According to the authors of “ The Mindful Self Compassion Workbook”, self criticism is rooted in the threat defense system. Meaning that self criticism is in some weird twisted way trying to protect you by bringing to mind the negative thing that could happen if you don’t work on the things that you should be working on. At some level the self critical voice is trying to force us to change so we’ll be safe. For example, why would be talking down to ourselves when we are not in the best shape and our backs are stiff as fuck ? Because we might be worried that our bodies might be falling apart and will not work properly. In this example, there might be some truth to the worry and your mind wants you to change so your body does NOT FALL APART and your back feels better. Of course, not all self criticism is REALLY be helpful, but it often has positive intentions.

So taking this information into consideration, what will really change your motivation game, is trying self compassionate motivation- finding your self compassionate voice.

Let’s try this exercise.

Think of a goal that you have been wanting to work on- a goal that requires a change in behavior- but that you have been beating yourself up for lately. Make sure you pick a goal that isn’t too difficult and potentially changeable. Nothing like “I want to change the color of my eyes”. It could be something like “ I wand to be more kind”, “ I waste a lot of time on social media”, “ I don’t eat enough fruits or veggies”, “ I keep dating jerks”.

Now, think of a possible reason why your threat defense system(critical voice) may be coming at you? Is it to remind you that you want to be healthy, is it to remind you that you would actually like to find healthy love, or that you would like to make more friends or be closer to family. What are the things that you say to yourself, how does it feel when you do, and why has it gone on for so long? ( Sometimes there is no positive reason your critical voice is around, but allow yourself to think about how compassion might be a possibility instead).

Then, make space and invite a compassionate, supportive, inner voice to start being part of your life. Put your hands on your heart. Take a deep breath. Think of a supportive person you have known ( a friend, a loved one, a teacher, a coach, a therapist) or have admired (even if it’s a character from a book or movie) and think of how they might encourage, support or praise you for the efforts that you are trying to make towards your goal. Now begin the practice of speaking to yourself like they might. Now try these phrases on for size.

“I don’t want you to suffer. I want you to be ok.”

“I care about what happens to you and I want to support you in making this change.”

“I’m here for you and will support you no matter what.”

“Good effort! You will get there soon.”

“Just give it a try. I know you can do it.”

“It’s ok if it didn’t work out this time. We can try again tomorrow”

“You are doing a good job. Let’s keep going.”

Now for consistency and habit formation. I would like you to try this type of motivation more often! When you are behind, make a mistake or have trouble getting started. Adopt a self compassionate voice. Remind yourself of what you would like to change and why it’s important, but also change the voice from where the push is coming from. Practice makes progress here. Because the goal is to see the negative self criticism less and less and to work on our goals more and more.

The more you do this, the better you are going to feel! And the more likely you will do a lot of the things you have been meaning to do!

So give it a chance! What have you got to lose?

Happy reading!