How to start Building confidence in 5 days or less… Part two

Confidence awaits you!

4. Day Four :Thoughts Are the Keys to Creation and Change

Remember when we said that words were powerful a few days back? Well, it continues to be true in this lesson.

Words are powerful. They are magical. There are many types of traditions that believe in the power of words and many things in the modern world also focus on the power of thoughts.

The Law of Attraction puts much emphasis on the power of words and thoughts, religious texts discuss the impact of words on a person’s being , magic books talk about the power of words in spells and folklore say things like “Be careful what you wish for”, but did you know that there is a whole therapy modality that looks at the connection between thoughts, feelings and behaviors and therefore outcomes ? Yes, it is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, where cognitive means looking at what occurs in the mind (thoughts) and how that impacts behavior. Yes, there is a whole lot of research , science and evidence that shows that the quality and content of your thoughts can greatly affect what happens in your life and how you feel.

So you should know that the thoughts that pop into your mind are very likely to influence how you feel and then how you act. This then deeply influences the outcomes in your life.

Take the last time you might have gotten upset about something. It is very likely that when a stressor occurred ( such as some one said something negative, someone did something they shouldn’t have, something happened that you didn’t expect or you made a mistake)- you had a thought first! Before you felt anything- there was a thought. And if the thought was negative, then you likely felt negatively which then could have lead to a reactive, thoughtless, or negative behavior. Which then leads to negative outcomes and consequences.

So now that you know this, how does this tie into confidence ?

In the past, negative thoughts likely made you feel awful and led you do to things that continue to affect your confidence. For example, “ Oh I don’t think I am that smart, maybe I shouldn’t do that thing I want.” (Sigh) “I never get what I want. Why am I like this?”

BUT…

Your thoughts CAN help you change the way you feel about yourself, your life and what you do. For the better!

If you work on and constantly look at the quality and the content of your thoughts, you can create healthier, more well rounded and positive views about yourself. This leads to better self esteem, self worth and confidence. Again, confidence meaning that you do your best to support yourself and take care of yourself no matter what! The point is to have your own back.

So, let’s do this first exercise. Because it is good for us and it is supportive of who we are.

Challenge the Thoughts by Playing Detective

When you start to have a negative feeling like sadness, worry, frustration, a sense of rejection, etc.

Ask yourself “ What was I just thinking about just now? ( Identify the words or sentences) ” , “ Is there a chance that this thought isn’t true?( Most likely it is not) ” and “Does this thought help me or serve me?” ( When you are feeling down, it is likely that your thoughts are not helping you).

Make yourself aware, challenge your thoughts and don’t just blindly accept the negative story! The more that you challenge the thoughts that are probably making you feel bad, the more balanced a perspective you will find. And then you can move on to this question…

“What can I do now that will help me feel better? How can I take care of myself now that I am aware this thought is not helping me?”

The point of these exercises is to change how you handle life. IF you change your thoughts, you can change how you feel and then you change how you behave and what you do. And that is how you create change in your life! Change is possible for you once you learn how to change your thoughts.

So you want confidence? Start learning the skill of challenging your negative thoughts and making the change that comes after. The more you do this, the more you will some serious and positive changes.

5. Day Five: Evaluate, Spotlight and Change Your Actions

This is the day that you put in very intentional focus on seeing the impact of your actions on your life.

Up until now, you may have been behaving in ways that were not always aligned with doing the best for your self. You may not always have been kind, or gentle or supportive. AND THAT TOTALLY SCREWS WITH YOUR SENSE OF CONFIDENCE.

But today that stops.

I want you to evaluate just how often you have been behaving coming from a place of love, care, kindness and support for yourself. Really ask yourself, “Have I been doing things and acting on my own behalf coming from a thoughtful and benevolent place?” “DO I DO THINGS THAT WILL BENEFIT ME IN THE LONG RUN?” “AM I DOING THINGS FOR MY HEALTH AND WELLNESS?”

If you have, give yourself a pat on the back! But if you have not, and let’s be real here, I need you to start highlighting and spotlighting all of the ways that maybe you have not been taking care of yourself in action.

AND then DO THE OPPOSITE.

If you have been talking to yourself with meanness and nastiness. Start talking to yourself with a nice and kind voice.

If you have been doing things like hurting yourself, do things that heal you.

If you have been doing things like isolating from others ( even though you really want to put yourself out there), start looking for ways to be in community and ways to be more comfortable in the presence of others.

If you have been doing things like not keeping your promises, start keeping more promises. Even if it’s a little at a time.

If you realize your unhelpful patterns, you need to take action and change those patterns! The more you engage in undoing unhelpful habits, the more you create new habits that make you feel better about yourself.

The more you take care of you and have your own back, the more you believe in you and your ability to be ok in this world. This is what true confidence is. Knowing that you can take care of yourself and that you will be ok.

To recap : You may not have been thinking about confidence in a helpful way in the past ( “ I have to be better than everyone else”) and this is probably the exact reason you felt like confidence eluded you. We reframed the way that we think about confidence and discussed how it is created and we came up with 5 actionable steps that you can start taking today in order to feel more confident.

It is not meant to be a complicated, brain twister, but easy to grasp and try exercises that have been tried and true to many people.

So what are you waiting for? Want to feel more confident? Definitely try these steps. Happy Self Caring!