How to cope with an extra emotional moment…
The holidays are upon us and for many it can be a rather stressful time. Family drama, uncertain situations, reminders of past trauma and losses, reminders of goals that maybe we didn’t accomplish, or reminders of mistakes we have made. It’s possible that you can be experiencing all sorts of negative feelings: sadness, regret, shame, loneliness, frustration, anger, overwhelm, anxiety, etc. It seems like everyone else might be having an easier time. Everyone is cheery and the holiday music and spirit seem to be everywhere.
So what do you do if you find yourself feeling a little down? Is something wrong with you or is something wrong with everyone else?
First, I want to tell you that sometimes having these feelings is normal. You are not the only one that is going through these tough moments or is having rough emotions. We are all human and have difficult moments. Whoever told you that everyone is happy all the time or always has it easy is hiding the truth of life. We always have ups and downs and it is a part of life.
So what do we do to deal with life’s ups and downs, knowing that it is always guaranteed to happen?
Learn how to take care of your emotional life, learn how to take care of your nervous system and learn valuable and important life skills. Knowing how to do these things, is the way to feel happier, healthier and more balanced. So much, that you feel that you can handle anything that comes your way.
If you don’t learn how to do these things, your emotional life will always feel overwhelming to you and you will feel at the mercy of any little hiccup that comes your way.
So what do you when you are feeling extra emotional?
First. STOP. Visualize a giant STOP SIGN in front of you and DO NOT DO ANYTHING ELSE! Know that you having an emotional moment. We do not want you to be reactive as this time. Take a deep breath, a very large , slow and comfortable deep breath and breath out slowly and twice as long. Do this for a few minutes. A deep breath is one of the sure fire ways to relax your body, mind and nervous system.
Second : NAME YOUR EMOTION.. You can keep it simple and basic if you like, or if you have a little more knowledge of the different types of emotions there are then use that. Is it sadness, is it anger, is it fear or is it something a bit more complex like rejection, disappointment, helplessness? Identify it ( or a few) and now DESCRIBE what it is like in your body. Is it heavy, is it light, is there tension in your throat, tightness in the back or chest, is their fuzziness, itchiness, tingles, does it have a shape, does it have a color or does it even resemble a cartoon like the Tasmanian Devil? Slow down and describe what the feeling is like. And just observe it for a moment with out judging it. When you judge your emotion, you are most likely to judge it negatively (like “Why I am feeling like this? I shouldn’t be feeling this”) and when you do that you are likely to feel a little more more awful. So try to be careful not to judge it too harshly. The non judgement definitely takes practice, but it is not impossible.
Third. Try these TIPP skills. The quickest way to change your emotion is to change your body chemistry. These are things that you can try when you feel like you are having a moment that feels potentially chaotic. The best thing that you can do in these situations IS TO NOT MAKE THE SITUATION WORSE. LISTEN UP.
T: TEMPERATURE : Access some very cold water or an ice pack if possible. With your cold water, you want to splash your face with very cold water. This helps to change the way your body feels and helps your body start the process of calming down. If you have access to a faucet with a plug, you may decide to run the cold water as the faucet is plugged up. When the water has reached a desirable level, take a deep breath and slowly dip your face in the cold water for a few seconds and come back up. Never force yourself to stay in the water if you feel funky or breathless. ( If you have certain conditions, like heart issues, you may not want to try this). Notice the difference in how you feel. If you have access to an ice pack, frozen fruit or veggies, you may want to place the frozen pack over your face, on the back of your neck or on your chest. Stay with the cold sensations for some moments. The change in temperature is one of the ways that you can start to feel better. Try it with intention and notice how you feel.
I: Intense exercise. Intense exercise helps to burn off stagnant energy. It helps to burn off feelings like stress, anxiety, boredom, anger, frustration, sadness, etc that could be stuck in the body or muscles. Engaging in intense exercise like jumping, running, push ups, dance, anything that gets the blood flowing or the heart pumping a little is a surefire way to help change your body chemistry and can help change the way you feel , so that you can make better decisions as to what you might want to do next. Pick something fun you might like and try it out. It doesn’t have to be a marathon and you don’t have to be doing the most like that one person at the gym. The point is to try it.
P: Paced breathing: Engage in some paced breathing. Most of the time when people are in emotional upset, they are breathing poorly. When you breath poorly, the blood is not flowing, the circulation is funky and the mind is not clear. Take this time to really think about whether you are breathing in a way that may benefit you. Paced breathing helps you change your body and it helps you feel better almost right away. An easy way to try this is to try breathing deeply to 4 counts in and 4 counts out, breathing in 5 counts and out 7 counts or try breathing in slowly and then breathing out slowly twice as long. Whatever feels good to you, just do it and notice the differences in how you might be feeling.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: The premise here is that intentionally flexing and tensing different muscle groups at time from head to toe will then promote relaxation in your muscles. Not only will this help your body relax and feel less tension, but the awareness of your body during the exercise will also let you become more aware of when you might accidentally be tensing your body without realizing it. When you feel a little tense, this type of exercise is sure to help your body feel more relaxed. If you are not sure how to do this, there are plenty of guided progressive muscle relaxation exercises on YouTube. Try it for a least 5 minutes and see the difference you muscles feel.
Fourth. Practice Self Compassion. Self compassion is the ability to treat yourself with kindness and gentleness. Is it being able to treat yourself and support yourself as you would treat a beloved friend or child who is having a tough time. Is it not being hard on yourself, even if you may have made a mistake or experienced a set back. Now is not the time for tough love here. When you are having a tough emotional moment, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead ask yourself, how can I take care of myself here and support myself with kindness and gentleness? Answer this question sincerely and you are on your way to changing your life.
Fifth. Go to your List of Coping activities and do some of the damn activities, girl! Coping activities are activities that we do to help our minds and bodies feel balanced, have a little fun or just take our minds off things that we need to take a break from ( notice I said take a break- not actively avoid forever). Is it important to regularly do these activities to help prevent you from toppling over from carrying a big emotional load. It is also important to use these skills where you are having bigger emotions. These are skills or activities that you should have written out or memorized. And these are things that should be healthy and good for you in the long run ( things like using drugs, alcohol, money or people are not healthy or good for you in the long run). These are things that can be simple like reading a book or playing with your pet or things that can be a bit more involved when you are able to or may afford to ( like building something or going on a planned vacation). No matter what it is, it should be something that you like and enjoy.
Six. Practice mindfulness. Whatever you do for mental wellbeing, should include mindfulness. Mindfulness is being in the present moment. It is being in the here and now. It is not being stuck in the past or worrying about the future. It is about participating and paying attention to life in the moment. There is a reason it’s been around for 1000s of years and people speak so highly of it. It is because it works! So find yourself paying extra close attention to your use of coping skills or when you are in your feelings and then decide what you would like to do next to take care of yourself.
Lastly, this list is not meant to be exhaustive but it is meant to give you some ideas of how to take care of yourself during this time. As time goes on, I will be adding extra things on this blog that you may enjoy learning about and trying. If you need support or need to talk to a friend, go ahead and do it. If you need to read about it or listen to some extra videos on YouTube University on it, do it. If you need professional help, don’t be afraid to seek out that assistance. You lose nothing by trying to take extra care of yourself.
Sending you all some extra healing love and energy!